My Love Letter To 2017…
Where do I even begin? You have been such a journey and have led me through several unexpected paths. From heartache to blessings, life changing moments and everywhere in between. I’m thankful for you not being as difficult as 2016. It has been an emotional rollercoaster. Props for that. I learnt a lot about myself this year. I hope 2018 shows me more of who I am and how to figure it out.
I found out how trust is easy to break and hard to repair. I learnt I fall too quickly and forgive too easily and it’s something I’m still working on. Someone can shatter your heart and soul but still be insanely in love with them. Jealousy has always been something that runs ever so deep in my veins and I wish it wouldn’t. I worry too much about the future and sometimes dream unrealistic dreams. Making mistakes is something that happens but can be turned into a lesson learned. I realised…people who are supposed to care about you will talk behind your back. I cried. Probably a lot.
I went to church and I prayed so hard, my faith begged not to waver. When the people in my spiritual life turned on me and judged me for aspects I believed in, I felt betrayal. Little did I know someone I love would break my heart soon after and I’d feel a true soul kind of pain.
I became an Auntie and have never felt more blessed in my life. Two perfect baby girls born a month early and spent no time in the nicu. It doesn’t get any better than that. I am so in love with these little beings and they have made my life more fulfilled than ever.
I went to my very first concert, Luke Bryan at that. Those memories will be always something I look back on and smile. Walking in front of Brett Eldredge screaming the lyrics as he plays his guitar in front of me. To waking up with a sore throat so worth the yelling. Knowing every word to every song and feeling so empowered and present in my life.
Travelling was a highlight in my summer. Camping, Hiking and discovering new places. I went state to state and hiked probably more than my legs were willing. I was determined. From beautiful waterfalls and extraordinary lakes, the views were the most breathtaking thing I’ve ever seen.
Hunting with my dad this year was an experience I’ll never forget. I sat in the cold for hours on end, begging God to send something my way. Staying in the woods from Dark, Sunrise, Light, to Sunset. I have never felt more alive and peaceful than I did in those woods.
This year has been more good than bad and I’m grateful. I have learned I need to love myself even though I’m not perfect. I hope 2018 will be a year of finding out who I am, where I belong and what I’m doing. I persisted and have been pushing hard in my classes. With 102 days of school left I have all A’s and have been excelling on homework. Although, I have become overwhelmed at times I remind myself, procrastination will get me nowhere.
I have learned to stand up for myself, my beliefs and not hide from my feelings. I wish for 2018 to show me my strengths. I have tried every aspect of art, Web Design, Photography, Writing, Drawing, Painting, and Music. I have been unsuccessful. I may be able to write in code, take pictures, write words, play an instrument, and draw. But without the enjoyment or feeling proud of my work, it means nothing to me. I wrote because I thought I was good. When I heard how many people didn’t agree with that statement, I became discouraged. I am a photographer, but if I feel hesitant or unconfident than how will I ever become successful? I have struggled with finding myself and who I am. I don’t mean the “What are 3 words to describe yourself?” but the deep stuff. Who am I so far down into my being nobody has seen? Who do I aspire to be? What are my biggest fears and largest dreams? A lot of things scare me and backing away is always the easier route. If I’m scared, if it’s hard, or if I don’t know where it’ll lead me, it’s probably exactly where I need to go.
I can’t say I’ll miss you. But I can say it was nice knowing you.